Categories
poetry

Wireless Christmas

(To the tunes of O Christmas Tree and Satisfaction)

Oh Christmas tree, dear Christmas tree,
you’re breaking up my wireless.
Hey Christmas tree, dumb Christmas tree,
connectivity’s a big mess.

My wife has lights from wall to wall,
’round all the panes, and down the hall,
and I’ve no internet at all
’cause I can get no wireless.

(After that rather sedate chorus, the singers break into a classic “Mick Jagger” strut as the tune changes…)

I can’t get no interaction,
I can’t get no web reaction.
‘Cause I’ve tried, and I’ve tried,
and I’ve tried, and I’ve tried!
I can’t get no…!
I can’t get no…!
Well I’m pounding on my keys again,
and I’m trying to get that web pulled in,
and I’m cursing underneath my breath,
’cause this wireless is gonna be my death!
I can’t get no…!
Oh, no, no, no,
hey, hey, hey,
not any way!

(The singers quickly return to chorus formation as the tune changes back…)

Yo Christmas tree, bright Christmas tree,
I have to disconnect you.
Say Christmas tree, big Christmas tree,
I’d better take you out, too.

I’ve got to have my internet
and there’s no way to surf you yet.
If I put you up outside I’ll bet
my wireless card will ping through.

By: Michael Williams / December 6, 2006 / Revised December 15, 2019

(This parody was based on a report that Christmas decorations can interfere with wireless signals.)

4 replies on “Wireless Christmas”

Thank you Parker. I know a lot of people who are wrapped up in computers and their smartphones. Where I worked before I became paralyzed, they’d be there with with their smartphones in front of their faces barely getting their food eaten before time to go back. I would check for a text message from my wife but otherwise the phone stayed in my lunch tote unused.

Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s